8 Tips to Help You Disclose Your Weaknesses or Health Secrets To a New Match
Starting a new relationship means learning about each other’s emotional baggage, peculiar behaviors and the experiences which have molded both of your lives. But what if this involves a medical or health secret you do not wish to disclose?
Jill, a 33-year-old from New York City understands that finding the perfect man also means confessing to him that she suffers from bipolar disorder. Even though she takes medicine to manage her condition, she still lives with lingering symptoms. She has problems sleeping for more than 2 hours at one time and cannot quit her smoking addiction; problems she feels a date might have reservations about.
She says, “It’s the smoking and lack of sleep: it’s hard to share your life with someone when you need to explain further why you do these things”. Jill acknowledges that she will sooner or later have to reveal her condition to a long-term partner. She expounds, “It’s something that will affect me if and when I settle down and have children since I would not be able to take these medicines while pregnant” She continues, “It’s never an easy thing to come clean with”.
Not every relationship conceals a secret like this one, but many individuals face similar choices about to what extent they should confess their problems and weaknesses to a new companion. Some secrets cannot remain secret forever. For instance, if you take daily medication or have a condition with obvious symptoms, your partner will notice that. Other events in your medical history, for instance, mental condition, health alerts, addictions, past surgeries can easily remain a secret but should they really be hidden?
Therefore, should you be contemplating on revealing to your partner about any health secret that you might have, here are 8 tips to help you spill the beans;
Practice What You Will Say
Before you spill the beans to your potential match, practice your speech with somebody you trust or call in on a speech therapist to talk it through, advises Dr. Ken Robbins, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. He says, ”It’s good to have somebody as a sounding board in a situation like this”. He goes on, ”How you handle this is not something your partner is likely to forget”.
Laurie Davis, an internet dating expert operating in New York and Boston, recommends asking a friend what sounds most caring about your condition and seeking their advice on how to make it seem less terrifying.
Seeking a second opinion can help you decide how much to disclose and when as well as where to talk about it. Going through your script a number of times can help you feel more at ease sharing your story.
”You don’t want to overwhelm your partner but you want to be sure to give him or her all of the important facts”, says David. ”You should definitely practice before telling your match, or you’ll most likely fumble through the conversation uncomfortably”.
A 33-year-old writer from New York, Mark Synder used to fear to disclose to his new matches that he was a recovering alcoholic. He says he never thought he would ever shake off the feeling he was springing the information on them. This was especially when they were either out to dinner and his matches wanted to order a bottle of wine or at a party where alcohol was introduced.
Never Blurt Out On the First Date
Davis advises that you should never disclose too much about yourself to someone else on the first date as the outcome might not be favorable. He discourages this especially to individuals who are worried that their health secrets may define them before their potential matches have gotten an opportunity to know them at all. However that does not mean you should lie, just let him/her get to know you first. Robbin says disclosing too much about yourself may taint you before your partner and define you before you are ready to be defined. If you are worried that your health secret might chase away your suitor hold on until the fourth date when to admit it, says a New York therapist and relationship expert. That way if the problem is too big for them to live with you will not have wasted too much of their time.
Be Casual but Confident
Davis says it is difficult not to kill the mood with your health secret since it is undoubtedly something which cannot be easily segued from a subject you would often discuss. So, how exactly do you reveal your secret without just blurting it out? She suggests a conversation bridge for instance,’ I feel like we’re heading in a great direction so I wanted to tell you something”. But just make sure not to overdo it.
Never Have This Conversation in Places You Associate With Intimacy
Sussman advises that you should not wait until you are in bed with somebody to let them know you have for instance a sexually transmitted disease. Relationship experts advise that this should be the only exception. If your health secret is STD, you will have, to be honest with your partner as soon as possible.
Seek Out Relationships Online
If you want to meet potential matches through social networks, never indicate in your profile that you are hiding a health secret. However, if you are worried about misconceptions or a rejection then you can search for somebody with similar health concerns. There are several niche websites which cater to individuals with certain conditions and they are a great way to be upfront with potential mates with the same predicament.
Know When to Give Your Partner Space
No matter how best you deliver your speech without fumbling, it is possible that there could be an awkward moment. Sussman advises that if this happens you should simply let your partner know that you completely understand there is a lot for them to digest. She also recommends that you give them time and space to do so.
Do Not Take Rejection Personally
You will get through this!
According to Sussman, happy good individual will be kind enough to listen and not condemn you but if your health secret is something they cannot cope with, that does not make them a bad person. It just makes them an imperfect match. Again there can be several reasons for the rejection, many of which may have nothing to do with you at all. So do not blame yourself, after all, your perfect match will accept you no matter what.
Sussman expounds happily married couples lean on each other and are honest with one another. She acknowledges that being honest with your spouse can never make you lose. So, do not settle into a deep depression when something bad happens to you trying to figure it out on your own, lean on your partner and accept their support. This way you will not only enjoy a happy marriage or relationship but also lead a healthy life.
Health Magazine. Health Magazine, n.d. Web. 30 Jun. 2014.